I've been married for almost 12 years. i married my high school sweetheart. i thought he was the man of my dreams. i lost my self in him. he has cheated and lied and broken my heart at every stage of life. in college, he borrowed money over and over and would never pay me back. Silly me, i still married him. when we married, i had excellent credit. i was fresh out of college looking to start my life. the first two years i ruined my credit trying to make him happy.

we didn't have much money starting out. i wanted to buy used things until we got established. he refused. he said we had to have all new. he couldn't use old things. i charged new furniture etc. when it came time to pay, my own husband left me hanging. i had to go into debt management to pay off the debt alone. after that, he had his first affair. she called my house after i had surgery. he had told her i was his aunt. he promised me it would never happen again. then came the unpaid taxes. he had done our taxes our whole married. i didn't know until the IRS came looking for me that he wasn't filing them. he was getting me to sign and keeping all the paperwork. i was 5 months pregnant when i found that out. i forgave him again. then when our child was 2 he left me for another woman. he was gone for a year. when i tried to file for divorce, he began harassing me. he showed up at my job and we had to call the police. he showed up at my house beating on my doors and windows every night. i filed a restraining order but he was never served. finally i just gave in. i thought if i take him back at least the harrassment will stop. now its four years later. he loves our daughter and he pays bills now. i don't think he is cheating anymore, but i am so bitter. i am so angry. our marriage is completely loveless. we sleep in different rooms. we don't talk. talking leads to agruements almost everyday. i guess i wanna know is do i have to try to make it work. everything he's done to me is in my head everday. i pray and pray to forgive him, but i can't seem to do it. he says that our marriage is bad because of me. he says he's tired of me. lol. i'm kind of tired myself.