Learning How to Love Again
When does education and learning stop? Is it possible to reach a point where we have “arrived” and learning isn’t necessary anymore? Is there room for refresher and how to courses, that will help us remember skills and techniques we haven’t used in quiet a while? I asked myself these questions, as I entertained the thought of beginning a new relationship. For myself, I came to the conclusion that I needed help if I was ever going to love someone again.
In spite of years and years of acquired knowledge, relationships in particular can challenge the very fiber of who we are. True relationships, ones that start off with honesty, integrity and good intentions, will require a set of skills that we may have shelved, as we have pursued careers, family and volunteer opportunities.


From the very moment we see someone we are attracted too, the question of loving is raised (maybe subconsciously) on a very elementary level. I have always said that people shouldn’t date people who they are not truly attracted to. Hopefully, attraction means more than just looks. Attraction requires a period of observation. Attraction requires listening and trying to understand where a person is and where they are heading. Adult attraction requires adult maturity. If you attraction is based on pre-adolescent playground experiences, I would like to encourage you to grow up (smile).
Loving someone always requires everything we have. If you are not willing to commit your “everything,” be prepared to play second fiddle with the other “half-steppers” in the band. All human beings have a sensory meter called intelligence. Their intelligence is attached to an alarm that rings loud when they know you are not for real. Giving “everything” is the very reason some have chosen not to love anymore. Giving everything puts us at risk and if we have judged wrong about a person, the price we may have to pay could be unbearable.

People say they don’t want “drama and baggage from other people’s past.” I personally have looked into too many people’s eyes. Drama and baggage are a part of life. Drama and baggage have created quirks, idiosyncrasies and dysfunctions. These items have found homes in the psyches of us all and if we don’t learn how to accept each other good or bad, we will never love again. This is where the refresher courses or new learning must come in. Love isn’t just about making one’s self happy. Love is about continuous personal development that makes us climb over mountains and obstacles. Regretfully, so many have given up. Not in word, but in deed and behavior.

To get the love we want in a relationship takes two people who want the love real bad. If we are attracted to someone who doesn’t want love also, we will be hurt. If we continue to stay in a bad place, over the years, we will start to believe love isn’t possible anymore. I would like to believe that people believe love is still possible. One thing I do know is that because of our own faults and short comings, we’re going to need some help, whether through counseling from experts or those who have successfully created loving relationships. I want to say don’t give up on love.

Love can be had, held and enjoyed on the relationship level. However, what we may need to get there may have to be learned again.

Wishing everyone only the best,
Mark Anthony Hall
Copyright © Mark Anthony Hall 1/3/2009 San Diego, CA